Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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