and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
