Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
