drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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