it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We have so much sex to catch up on
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
