my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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