I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
