i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
