ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
