This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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