By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
