Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
