are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
