So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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