Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
