Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
