you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
