i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
