What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
