he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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