Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
