i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize