Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
