Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
