Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
