You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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