Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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