STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
