i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
