It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ladies don't puke and tell
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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