I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
