The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
