I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize