Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
