she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
