Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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