with your own penis?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
