I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
