The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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