dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
