I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just found puke in my bra..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
