was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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