I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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