her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
