A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
