Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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