my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
