Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
