Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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