I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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