I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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