A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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