Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
