He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
