You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
