seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
