I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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