I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
