I can't breathe out the right side of my face
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
