If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
