Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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