Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize