best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
