That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i need some magic done to my vagina
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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