i just google imaged poop.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
