I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
