She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
