Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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