I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
